Communtiy work – Happily Depressed…

Like millions of women around the globe, I have been defining myself as a mother ever since I was pregnant with my beloved first child.

Being a mother is not only my job, but also my passion, my confort zone and my cherished responsibility. It is a role that I have always loved, a privilege and a blessing.

Having any other role besides it always seemed redundant an infeasible.

I always had an admiration for working mothers, and looked at them with awe; unable to comprehend how they manage to divide their attention and identity to fill more than one shoe.

Years went by and my frustration was building up. I felt that something was missing, especially as my children were becoming more and more independent.

Many unsuccessful trials filled with self-doubt and self-judgement to find a job work, led me to more frustration and shame for wanting me being anything else but a full time mother. Nothing was worth leaving my established identity for. I was convinced that I was only good at what I already knew how to do best. Why look elsewhere? Why make any change?

I was struggling to find the right moment, the right idea, the right motivation and the right remuneration to get back on the employment market. I couldn’t understand that I didn’t need an identity shift or any kind of change. All what I needed is to trust myself and allow myself to expand.

Once I let go of my fears ending with the same suffix (employability, compatibility, feasibility, proximity, etc), I switched to “ action mode”.

I stopped thinking that I my last paycheck is in fact older than my teen. I stopped thinking of all the limitations and chains I had built around myself refraining me from moving forward. I stopped blaming myself or others for my choices and from seeing my destiny limiting. I stopped thinking of how much I should make or I can make per year. I stopped thinking of who would and who wouldn’t employ me. And most importantly I stopped feeling guilty for wanting to expand.

I always tell my children to look at life as an opportunity to gather tools to put in their toolbox and use later when in need. I encourage them to search for as many as possible of these tools and build an immense box. This way, they will always know what to do wherever they are and no matter what situation arises.

Indeed, I found myself doing the same. I had forgotten about my own massive toolbox! I opened it and I was so pleasantly surprised. All these roles and tasks and chores and challenges and opportunities I went through that can’t be written in a CV were priceless when stacked together. I had tools as diverse as breastfeeding to dealing with suicide. Each and everyone of them made me who I am.

When I saw it that way, I stopped wanting to be anyone else and I thus I wasn’t incomplete. Nothing was missing, it was just how I chose to perceive my existence. I had also gotten ridden of any guilt feelings. With this solved, my confidence and creativity were recharged. Instead of jeopardizing all my attempts with ill-conceived ideas about who I should and shouldn’t be, I started doing and enjoying what I do.

One foot in front of the other, I didn’t overthink. I started cooking, packing and distributing meals in front of hospitals. The following week I repeated, and the one after and the one after. Each time I gained a little more knowledge about how to perfect the process. Then I repeated again and learned some more. Word got out and I found people wanting to help. We cooked, packed and distributed more meals, and repeated. Each one of us added a little bit more to the process.

In this repetitive cycle, I found solace. I started acting on ideas that were forming in my mind. And little by little it was more than just cooking, packing and distributing meals. It was about finding meaning. Our small group had and has one mission, making others happy.

In the process of giving to others, you give to yourself. In physical exhaustion working for a greater cause, one forgets to worry about one’s little life. The joy of giving is ecstatic. It fills you up with light and gives you energy to keep going. Nothing beats putting a smile on someone’s face.

Yes I work long shifts and have zero monetary gain. But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Doing volunteer work is therapeutic to me before being of any value to others. It grounds me, gives me purpose and endless satisfaction.

I am still a mother and always will be. It is who I am- I will always want to fill this role. I have simply expanded my identity and decided to give back to my community, and in doing so my existence makes sense.

Perhaps this formula works for you, perhaps it doesn’t. Regardless.

Whatever you do if you feel like I felt for many years, don’t doubt your capacity. Look into your own toolbox and stack all the tools you have gathered along the way and start.

Do anything you enjoy and the rest will follow. Don’t overthink it. One step will lead you to the next. Just keep being in action. Perfect your own process. Ask for help, learn from others, get inspired and inspire. Listen to your heartbeat as you create something for yourself. Enjoy feeling fulfilled and make it contagious. Don’t stop, repeat, perfect, add to it and start all over. You will find solace too 🤍

Few months back I started an initiative called SANED – the closest word in English to it would be “Support”.

The idea came to me that I would like to cook meals and distribute them to those in need. I started slowly with 10 meals, then 20 then reached 60 meals per day. I was buying the goods, cooking, packing and later distributing in the streets of Cairo.

Eventually I decided to head with the hot meals to pubic hospitals and distribute the them to the families of patients stranded in the streets waiting for their beloved ones to finish a procedure.

Surprised I was that many take the streets for their home during the stay of the patient in the hospital. I found elderly, women with their toddlers and men sitting patiently in front of buildings for hours with no end. Soon I decided to focus on public hospitals and I tried going in front of a few for several weeks.

I noticed the children looking bored and hungry. I decided that the hot adult meals weren’t very suitable for them. So I made them a breakfast or snack meal instead – the same you would give your child when going to school. I asked my children to look for small toys in their rooms to include with the meals. Soon enough with the help of their friends, we had our own SANED happy meal that made hundreds of kids happy.

Eventually, my family, friends and neighbors learned about what I am doing and they wanted to help.

I decided to create SANED with a tag line that roughly translates to “so that no one sleeps hungry” and created a profile for it on social media. Soon enough I started to receive endless phone calls from then strangers who were touched by the initiative and wanted to offer a hand.

In less than a month we became 287 active volunteers who work in transparency and cooperation towards helping patients and their families in public hospitals.

Word of mouth spread fast, and I got connected to the administration of hospitals and they allowed me to distribute inside outpatient clinics. emergency rooms and day clinics equally for children and adults. I reached a public cancer hospital, and I designed a healthy meal and a snack for the patients baring in mind what they can and cannot eat. The feedback was heartwarming.

Our combined efforts in SANED allowed us to cook over 400 meals per day (we distribute once a week till now). We have served 1861 meals in the last month to sick children, cancer patients and their families. We have also managed to buy more than 500 new winter outfits for sick children and their mothers.

On a mental health perspective, I see that SANED has many benefits. For one, it offers a channel to people to think of other problems but their own. In this sense, it is therapeutic to be involved in a greater cause that only brings positive energy.

SANED presents members with a sense of fulfillment due to its altruistic mission. It gives a sense of belonging to a larger community and makes one feel valuable. The experience of getting in contact with the less privileged is very tough especially when they are children as young as 50 days and as chronically sick. Yet, the fact that we bring a smile to their faces makes it tolerable and repeatable.

I was feeling quite down right before I started SANED. I had then decided to reduce my levothyroxine dose that I take for my bipolar disorder. I was left depleted with rapid negative thoughts for 48 hours until I upped the dose again. I was very angry yet I decided to make myself aware of my size in this universe.

Once I broke the barrier, sought out the outer world and decided to see what it is like to be in pain without any means to resolve it, my own problems disappeared. I always knew that the world does not revolve around me, but seeing is believing.

It was an eye opener for me to be able to land a hand to others who are suffering. It was relieving to be able to make a small difference. It was thrilling to see someone smile when offered something with love. It was enlightening that there is always something to offer others even if it is just a smile.

All negativity transformed into finding solutions to challenges I see on weekly basis. I have no time to feel pity for myself or answer existential questions that haunt me since the beginning of dawn. I am busy being part of a larger cause, a cause dear to my heart and harmonious to my values. On a very selfish level, SANED makes me feel productive, useful, positive, connected and alive.

There is this quote that says “when one gives, two get happy “ by Amit Kalantri and he couldn’t have said it better.

I urge everyone to try and transcend this sense of self that is so focused inwards. I urge you to look outside and find others whom you can help. There is always something do no matter how small it is and it will help you reset your perspective and make you evaluate your situation more positively.

Thank you for reading. You can follow SANED on instagram through this link https://www.instagram.com/saned_initiative/

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