I (ab)normal

abnormal
əbˈnɔːm(ə)l/
adjective
  1. deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying.
  2. “the illness is recognizable from the patient’s abnormal behaviour”
  3. synonyms: unusualuncommonatypicaluntypicalnon-typicalunrepresentativerareisolatedirregularanomalousdeviant, deviating, divergentwaywardaberrantfreakfreakish;More

    I think the worst is over, or at least some of it. It took me months to admit that I needed help. I tend to be tough on myself, always demanding a tougher version of me, a quicker version; a sort of me 3.0.

I don’t know about you, but to me life is a race against time in many ways. You are born, you go to school, you need to go to university, get a job, get another degree, get married, get kids, and define yourself as you go. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, I really do. I won’t change my family for the world. I think I have a perfect family. I think I have a solid bunch of degrees under my belt. I think I have travelled – maybe not that far – but far enough to know how the world functions elsewhere. I have made friends, attended funerals, volunteered, partied, tried natural births twice, took homeopathy, and eat organic. I am also a vegetarian. Actually I am a pescatarian. I care about the environment, and I don’t buy fur. I like my morning coffee, and clean sheets. I smile to strangers on the street. I would give my seat on the bus to anyone happily. I cook and don’t mind cleaning after my kids throw up on me. I can pack a house in a 24 hours and unpack it in under 3. I speak four languages. I hate drugs. I don’t believe in religion but would love if Santa were real. I love reading a good book, and I adore chocolate. I am normal.

But I am everything that is the opposite too. I have to smell a glass twice at least before drinking. I sort my laundry meticulously. I smoke. I am not a morning person, and sometimes neither an afternoon nor evening one. I have trouble speaking my thoughts sometimes. I also tend to be antisocial in a social way. I dislike introducing myself to people. I love being natural, but do botox or else I would die. I contradict myself and forget that I did. I am consistent in my inconsistencies. I tend to forgive people, but feel super guilty about everything. I am a super demanding parent, who thinks her kids can do absolutely anything. I eat sometimes at night when everyone is sleeping. I cry easily and  I am an only child. Probably egocentric – hence this blog.

Yet, I wish I could put myself in a box. It would make things much easier. I wish there was a manual to let’s say Gemini women born in 1980 at 2:05 PM in Paris that I could refer to when stuck. I looked but I couldn’t find any…

More to follow…

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