Forty eight hours without levothyroxine and all is well.

I feel so good actually.

Just like the first time, I feel calmer – much calmer.

I feel unplugged.

I am trying to remain realistic and remind myself that bipolar disorder is a life long disease – and that although I am 100% stable on high dose levothyroxine (HDL) – I am still sick.

I cannot stop wondering if it is reversible. I was taking 700 mcg for 5 years, then dropped to 600 and I was completely fine. Will I still be ok on 500?

What does this actually mean? I don’t think you can literally switch genes off, but can the body deal with this variation without breaking down? If so, this could mean I can go lower, and lower and even quit. But not just me, perhaps many patients can…

I was thinking today that even if I cannot drop the dose quickly, perhaps in a few years I would get to the same point of “thyroxine excess” and then I would be able to lower it again.

Why does all this matter so much? Partially because as humans we are greedy… I not only want to be well, I want to be medication free.

I also do not want to deal with long term health issues caused by HDL. It is true, I will always prefer this treatment over one second of bipolar symptoms, but still I am greedy and want to age gracefully.

Let us see tomorrow if I wake up well.

TBC