These days I am preserving my energy as if it were some precious diamond that cannot get lost or stolen. I have never done that before.

I think of myself as if I have some sort of battery, just like this iPhone. I use it wisely in case I don’t have access to my charger to avoid running flat and seeing the dreadful 1% left in bright red. 

I don’t want any apps running in the background consuming those precious minutes that could be just all what I need later on during the day.

It is not that am lazy. I am in a way, yes. But not doing much makes me able to be with the children and my husband when they come home. It makes me able to see all those little details in their lives. I can then clearly think of what to say and how to say it. When I preserve my energy I can transfer it to them. 

I then feel it is all worth it when they smile. It is all worth it when a little conflict is resolved without tears. It is all worth it when I can listen to them without feeling guilt or anger. I can give all what I have because I still have some battery left.

My meds are my battery; for now. I don’t want to think of other ways to charge myself. Not now at least. It consumes me too much to think about that. For now my energy is spent on those I want to spend it on. For now, this is all what matters.

More to follow…

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