Somos todos culpables…

I am no Charlize Theron staring in Sweet November. A film, that I actually like a lot. I am a drama queen all right. How can I have all those labels and not live in drama. I got an hour to go. I still do not know what to do. Get back, yes but to what?

You were overwhelmed they will say. They might add another diagnostic, or even lock me up. And then what? Where is life? Should we talk about it or just put all the dirt under the carpet? Will I be “normal” again? Why me? Why?

You love me and I love you.. Come back to what? To 150 mg Lamictal 10×4 Resperdal and god only knows what other shit I take that is getting me nowhere except in complicated situations where I feel just in-freakin-sane,,,

Only two things I know are: 1- Everyone is replaceable; everything ends  and 2-  Everything else is a theory and thus refutable…

I want to get back to me before I get back to you… Your messages are “heart warming” – am cold blooded I know. I am horrible, and merciless. How else can I survive when I feel more fragile than a new born in a world of merciless capitalism, fast air plains, fintechs, fake feminism, populism and what other bullshit abbreviations there might be…

Somos todos culpables.. We are all guilty, at least I plead guilty. I am guilty for my actions and for my feelings. I am guilty for my disease that controls every aspect of my waking and sleeping hours…

Hopefully TBC

 

 

7 thoughts on “Somos todos culpables…

  1. I also want to escape, but where do I go and leave these 2 beautiful kids. What will be their future? Will there be a threshold to what they can tolerate? No one can ever replace your love to them. Although I am still here with them, I do not know until when I can tolerate this without you.

    Like

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