Thoughts rushing through my head from absolute stillness to maddening movement. One moment am in bed the next running through the streets. I run with my mind standing still. I have ideas of things now. I can think outside of my existential crises, though I find myself crippled by my fear of failure.

It is easier to imagine myself running as far as I want, than actually going for a jog to find myself out of breath after a mere 10 minutes. 

The whole time while am stuck still in my moving thoughts the clock is ticking. Just like Captain Hook feared the Tic-Tocing of the crocodile, these digitital numbers changing constantly on my iPhone show no mercy. I hate watches. Why know how much time has elapsed when I know that it was waisted? 

I won a month today. I was writing about dread in my last post; saying I had to reduce my dose. But I fought for it, or have I been a fool of my own procrastination? 

Sometimes I feel like I know it all. I feel I have no social inhibitions. I am me and me is just ok. Next moment, am nothing but self-conscious doubting my own existence. 

I want to break loose, be like Zaz in her Je Veux song. Do like I please. I wish I could transfer all this energy from my head somewhere. For now my keyboard is the one and only place of refuge; my channel. I have to write more. You won’t have to read any of it though. I owe this to myself. It is even apparently fashionable now with Prince William’s #oktosay… 

More to follow…