I spent all day in bed today. The only thing I forced myself to do I to go for a jog; a mere 15 minutes.
When I was awake I smoked; I managed to finish a whole pack.
I am depressed, real down. I have nothing to do but wait for Prozac to kick in, which would be in a couple of weeks.
Even then, my hope of healing is minimal. I depend on Benzos and the one I am taking now – Rivotril- is barely reducing my anxiety.
I wake up at 4 AM everyday. Today I patiently waited till noon to get to bed again. I mostly listen to a cocktail of brainwaves. They put me to sleep. I want to induce an artificial coma, to wake up when these two weeks are over.
I am scared, I am numb, I eat motley carbs. It is raining outside. I want to sleep again.